Chris Strickland's Houston Rockets Fan Profile

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Street Ballin' posted on 07/28/2009

Being a baller, I tend to play basketball a lot. The other day I was balling, and some other ballers challenged me and my baller bros to a game of full-court. FULL COURT. I suck at full court.

I can't dribble, so full-court makes me look like an even shitter dribbler. One of my favorite dribbling techniques is to get a rebound, then take a few steps and crouch down, protecting the ball. I'll try to pass it to a teammate, then it'll get stolen. That's how I work.

One of the things I've noticed about street-balling is that there are two kinds of defense: physical and voice. "Physical D" is obvious: that's you actually playing defense. "Voice D" is when you're too tired to get to the basket, so you scream something random at your man when he's trying to score.

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Top 10 Reasons Kobe and Artest will work out posted on 07/07/2009

10) They were spotted in Kobe's escalade at an 'N and Out drive-through. And yes, they both got "animal style."

9) When on road trips in Denver, Kobe's got Artest covered for booty calls.

8) Kobe's beer preference is bottles - meaning, he'll never pour anything in a plastic cup.

7) Kobe & LeBron's Nike "puppet campaign" is being replaced by "Kobe and Ron," a new puppet ad-series. However, Nike's yielding to "Crank Yankers" for the directing of this one.

6) Like Kobe, Artest is practically another Dobermamba on defense. Only difference is, Artest may bite.

5) As a peace offering, Artest bought fellow teammate and candy-lover, Lamar Odom, a year's supply of Cookies 'n Cream.

4) Finally, Kobe has a legit MC to battle Shaq with.

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Rampant Steroid Use Brings Up Issue of Morality in Baseball posted on 06/08/2009

These days, going to a baseball game isn't what it used to be. Seldom will a pitcher throw into the 7th inning; the score is usually 7-6 or 10-9; and your favorite slugger is likely to hit one, if not two balls, out of the park. The game is shamelessly jacked up on HGH, and its obvious. The best hitter (Bonds) and pitcher (Clemens) of our generation used it, and more players are getting busted by the day (A-Rod, Manny). However, most fans don't care. They still go to the ballpark. That's because baseball, and pro sports in general, is merely another form of entertainment.

It's like seeing your favorite comedian perform stoned. You know he's on something, but you look past it, eagerly waiting for that one hilarious joke that'll make the bumbling and stumbling worthwhile. I saw Darryl Hammond do stand-up in New York some years ago, and although he was tanked (I'm talking, TANKED. He could barely walk up to the stage.), he still did a spot-on Bill Clinton impression. It's the same with sports - even if fans didn't approve of Bonds' off-the-field behavior, they still got out of their seats when he took one deep. The bottom line is, America just wants to be entertained.

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Kobe and LeBron facing similar dilemmas posted on 05/26/2009

Or is it dilemmi? Either way.

As the entire NBA world eagerly awaits the potential match-up of Kobe and LeBron in this year's finals, they also can't help observe it's getting increasingly difficult for them to get there. The Magic and Nuggets are hitting their strides at the right time, with bench players stepping up at crucial moments, Van Panic and Karl making good coaching moves, and both team's point guards acting as the leaders they can be. Even if the current and future MJ's of our time average 50 a game for the rest of the playoffs, it won't matter. That's not how you reach the Golden Summit (Yes, I just used "Golden Summit" as an analogy for the Finals. Deal with it. I like it.).

If Kobe's Lakers are going to utilize home-court advantage and take this 2-2 series, Lamar Odom's going to have to step it up, dawg. You can't just score 7.5 points a game against Denver. They aren't the Clippers. Also, learn to box out. CHRIS ANDERSON SHOULDN'T HAVE MORE UPS THAN YOU. As someone who watched last night's humiliation, I can safely say the only thing more embarrassing to watch than Anderson jamming home the tip-in on a missed shot was his lamer version of TO's eagle routine, shouting a "wooooot" bird call to Denver's lame bird-loving fans as he ran backcourt. That, to me, was the epitomy of the bench differential. Denver's reserves are whooping Los Angeles'. Where's the depth? James Posey was a HUGE reason the Celtics won it all last year. At least their bench showed up.

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Top 10 TV Shows Michael Vick's most likely to watch posted on 05/20/2009

With just one month left in his prison sentence, Michael Vick must endure his last thirty days under house arrest. We know what that means: tons and tons of tv watching. Here are the Top 10 tv shows Vick is most likely to watch:

10) "Dog Bounty Hunter."

9) "Joe Millionaire." Maybe Vick could go on a dating show in order to help pay back his debt. Wasn't that Joe also a construction worker?

8) "Eastbound & Down."

7) "The Dog Whisperer." You must learn how to talk to them.

6) "Extreme Home Makeover."

5) "Intervention."

4) "From G's to Gents."

3) Whatever's playing on "Friday Night Fights."

2) "Prison Break." If it's the series finale (did that actually finally happen?), just DVR it and play it over. And over. And over.

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